Seasons of Waiting: An Interview and Giveaway

You know I love to read. And you know that I love to share what I'm reading with others. But do you know what's even better than that? Sharing a book written by a friend!

Betsy Childs Howard and I studied together at Beeson Divinity School several years ago. These days, she's an editor at The Gospel Coalition, and she's written the most thoughtful book on practicing faithfulness when dreams are delayed. Her book, Seasons of Waiting, was inspired by her own wait for a spouse. In it, she offers a theological perspective and purpose for various seasons of waiting, whether it be for a spouse, a child, healing, or a home. I found Betsy's words to be both comforting and encouraging, and I think you will too. 

I reconnected with Betsy at TGC's women's conference this summer, and she graciously agreed to a little Q&A for you. Because everyone loves a giveaway, and also because I found it so helpful, I'm giving away a free copy of Seasons of Waiting to one lucky reader. Details follow the Q&A with Betsy, at the bottom of this post. But before we get to all of that, here's a little video to give you a taste of what you'll find in the book.

"What I Learned While Waiting for My Spouse" © Crossway 2016

Q & A WITH BETSY CHILDS HOWARD, AUTHOR OF SEASONS OF WAITING

Q: Tell us a little about yourself. Where are you from? Where did you go to school? What does life look like now?

I’m from Birmingham, AL. I went to Wheaton College. I also earned a Masters of Theology at Beeson Divinity School during the time that I worked there. I now live in New York City where my husband and I are planting a new Anglican church on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

Q: Share a bit about your writing journey. When did you first feel the Lord prompting you to the writing life? How did Seasons of Waiting come to be?

I am not someone who writes all the time. I really enjoy writing, but I went many years without writing anything. Several factors converged through personal connections to give me some online writing opportunities, which I took advantage of. This led to a publisher approaching me about writing a book. I was excited and flattered, but I didn’t want to write a book if I didn’t have something that needed to be said. It took me about four months to think and pray about it and decide that all that God had been teaching me about waiting might be something that others could benefit from.

Q:  What are the top three things you would share with women who are stuck in a season of waiting?

1. Don’t worry about whether you can make it for the rest of your life. Just ask God for what you need to make it through today.
    
2. Remember that, even if your season of waiting ends, you will always be waiting on something. Seek now to draw near to God and learn more about his character. This will benefit you in the future no matter what you are waiting on.
    
3. Keep an eternal perspective. If you are a believer, this life is not your only shot at happiness. That realization helps waiting not feel quite so desperate.

Q: One of your key points is that each of our stories are parables that point to a larger truth. How did this realization affect you in the midst of your waiting?

It made my waiting seem personal rather than wasted time. It helped me feel like God was using my waiting to point me and others to his salvation story. Seeing my wait for a spouse as a parable of the Church waiting for her Bridegroom increased my longing for his return.

Q: How have other women helped and encouraged you in your waiting seasons?

Sometimes it is hard to talk with others about the areas where we feel most vulnerable. We need to do it anyway. Those friends with whom who I’ve shared my deepest desires, who have prayed for me, are those that I’m closest to. And they’ve been able to rejoice with me when God has answered my prayers!

Q: What is the key to finding purpose and joy where you are rather than where you wish to be?

I think that we should seek to find contentment and joy in our relationship with God and seek his purpose for our lives rather than our own. That’s different than being completely content with your circumstances. You might have a terrible job situation—I don’t know that God is calling you to be content with that. But as long as you are in that terrible job situation, you can seek joy in the Lord, seek to be used by him where you are, and believe that he has a good purpose for you there. It doesn’t necessarily show a lack of godly contentment to be honest about the difficulties of whatever season you are in. But we must always seek to draw our deepest strength and joy from our all-sufficient Father. There is no lack in him, so there is no reason for us to lack contentment in him.

Q: How has the gift of hindsight changed the way you view the years you spent waiting for a spouse?

I’m grateful for all the relationships I had during my single years. I’m introverted and a homebody, but loneliness forced me to be more social and throw myself into church life. I’m glad that God used years of singleness to deepen my friendships. I also think that getting married at 34 rather than 24 has helped me view marriage as a gift rather than a reward for going about dating the right way.

Q: Is there anything else you would like to add? Please speak freely here.

Singleness ended my wait for marriage, but it began other waits. I’ve been waiting on a baby for what is starting to feel like a long time. We’ve had a lot of waiting to do with the church plant that we are working on. I’m now far from my family and living in a small, rented apartment, so I am experiencing the wait for a home in a way that I didn’t when I lived in my hometown. All of the truth God taught in my in my wait for marriage are applicable now. No wait is wasted if you press into God’s goodness.

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Contest closes October 9 at 11:59 pm. Winner will be notified by e-mail within 48 hours of the contest closing. Good luck! Until next time, grace and peace.

Trusting God When Hopes Are Deferred

Well, it finally happened. My oldest daughter started first grade this year, and I feel like the entire world has opened up. The first day of school, as the hours stretched out before me, I wondered what in the world I was going to do with all the time that had suddenly fallen in my lap. I could write. I could design. I could read a book. I could do all the things that I’ve been putting off for all the years that I’ve been a mom of little ones.

For so long now, my life has felt small. Don’t get me wrong. I love my girls, and I love this life that God has given our family, but as a mom of tiny people, there was really only so much I could do between wiping noses and picking up toys and nursing booboos. It was a sweet time, but it was also a hard time, and now that I feel it drawing to a close, I can’t help but be excited for what the Lord has in store for us next.

Several years ago, when I was a mom to just one baby, I read a blog post by literary agent Rachelle Gardner about all the messages she gets from new moms—moms who have something to say but don’t have the time to say it. Her response has stuck with me and encouraged me over the years, and I want to share it with you now.

If you’re a mom of littles, and your world feels so much smaller than you imagined, remember that this is just a season. It can be frustrating and discouraging to look around and see other women who seem to be doing it all. They have babies and thriving businesses. They’re rocking newborns and a writing career. They have everything you desire. Everything you’re striving for.

You want. You dream. You ache. God has given you a burning desire for more, and yet, most of the time, you’re doing good to make it to the grocery store and keep everyone in your home alive for another week.

I want to tell you that it’s OK.

You don’t have to do all the things right now. You just need to be faithful with the tasks that God has given you today. Take care of your babies. Feed your family. Maintain your home. And while you’re doing all of those things, let God shape you. Let him mold you into a better version of yourself. Let him use the waiting years for your benefit and his glory.

Because here’s the thing. Hope deferred will only make your heart sick if you let it. These years of waiting? They’re not pointless. God is doing something in you. Treat this time as a profound gift. A time to learn. A time to grow. A time to become the person that God is pushing you to be.

And someday, maybe sooner than you realize, your days will open up. You’ll be standing on the edge of a new season of life wondering what you’re going to do with all the time on your hands. And you’ll know with certainty that God has been preparing you for this moment all along.

Be encouraged, sweet friends. What they say is true. The days are long, but the years are short. This time will come to a bittersweet end before you know it. Don’t lose heart. Trust God. Maintain faithfulness. This waiting? It’s worth it.

Until next time, grace and peace.

What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man.

—Ecclesiastes 3:9-12

When Darkness Looms: An Open Call to the Church

There have been many times over the past year or so that I've been completely bewildered by the world I wake up in each morning. It seems as if it's all going to hell in a handbasket. And quite quickly, at that.

The news is bad and just gets worse. Christians are facing genocide in the Middle East. Terrorists are striking major cities left and right. People are fleeing from homes and countries, only to be rejected by the rest of the world.

And even here, in the United States, where things are supposed to be better, it's not. As if the worst presidential race in history isn't bad enough, it's quite apparent that we are a nation divided. Not just on one or two hot button issues, but on everything. We can't agree on anything. We squabble. We fight it out on social media. We point fingers. We lay blame. We call names. We spew vitriol. And worst of all, we kill.

It's horrifying and tragic and senseless. As I sit here in horror at the name-calling and mud-slinging and judgment-casting and hate-mongering and people-slaying, I think to myself, "This is what the Bible means when it says that the world is broken."

It's in times like this, as sin runs rampant in our hearts and homes, ripping apart communities, nations, and yes, even the world itself, that I see just how much we really need Jesus. The world is broken before us. It's aching and bleeding and groaning for redemption. Do you see it? Can you hear it?

The darkness is thick, for sure, but don't let it fool you. It is not so thick that the light of Christ can't pierce it. It's so important now, more than ever, for the Church to actually BE the Church, because it's precisely in the midst of this terrible brokenness that we are most needed. We must be brokers of peace, bringers of justice, and bearers of light. 

We must love others without flinching, without regard to skin color or background. We must lift our voices in outcry against injustice, whether we have experienced it personally or not. We must open our doors to those who are different, be they refugees from around the world or our neighbors of another color from down the street.

We must present to the world an alternative to the brokenness. We must be a vision of heaven on earth. We must demonstrate that God's love is big enough and powerful enough to overcome even the most impenetrable of barriers dividing us. We must show the world that the blood of Christ is strong enough to instill peace in place of enmity, light in place of darkness, and love in place of hate.

If we who claim to be followers of God will not step up and do this, then we shouldn't be surprised when the rest of the world wants nothing to do with him. We have stood idly by for long enough. It's time for us to be the kind of people that God has created us to be. He has raised us up for such a time as this. This is the reason for our existence—to point to the light when darkness looms near.

Oh, Lord, help us. Our hearts are shattered. Everywhere we look, Father, we see pain, injustice, and brokenness. Bind up our bleeding hearts, Lord and mend what is broken in us and among us. Help us stitch together the ragged edges of a country and world that have been ripped apart at the seams. Oh Lord, the violence, the killings, the hatred, and the vitriol are all too much to bear. We are devastated, and we are lost.

But we are not without hope. You have loved this broken and bleeding world so much that you gave your life up for her. Lord, I pray that you will help the Church rise up in this present darkness. Overcome our differences, Lord, and unify us in Christ. Help us be your hands and feet. Help us to bind up the brokenhearted. Help us to broker peace. Help us to show the world that your love is more powerful than the sin that divides and destroys. Let us be a vision of heaven on earth. Help us, Father, to be your people, to be bearers of light and harbingers of hope in the thickest places of darkness.

Fill us with your Spirit, God. Do through us what we cannot do ourselves. To your name be praise and glory and honor now and forevermore. Amen.

Until next time, grace and peace.