In All Honesty

Seeing as how my last post was on October 26 and lots of life has happened between now and then, I thought it was only fitting to re-enter the blogging world with a little recap of the last couple of months of 2011. I know, we're almost halfway through January, and I'm late to the looking back game, but that's just how life is at the moment. You may (or may not) remember that I started off 2011 with some lofty goals of cultivating both discipline and intentionality in my life. I established some good habits and by and large did very well for the first 10 months of the year.

Then I got pregnant.

Yes, you read that right.

I am with child.

See? The picture says so.

Baby number two is set to arrive in early July, and the news came as a great shock to me. The planner in me reeled from the fact that God's plans differed so drastically from my own, and I'm still not completely used to the idea that there will be another little kiddo in our house come July. It's a big change that I've not yet adjusted to.

Thankfully, God provides nine months to get over the shock. I'm still working on it :)

I'm one of the lucky ones who doesn't really get sick when I'm pregnant, but what I lack in nausea, I make up for in exhaustion. The end of 2011 found me pretty lackluster, which meant that many of my lofty goals got shoved to the side.

Not making excuses - just being honest.

For the most part, I've kept the news offline because I just wasn't ready for it to be real, but in an attempt to actually deal with reality, I'm putting it out there for all of you to see.

The place I'm in at the moment is difficult. I want to be thankful and excited about this baby, but right now it's hard. And that makes me feel guilty, because I know that children are a gift from God. I also have entirely too many friends who have struggled with infertility to be flippant about this. We've always wanted more than one child...

This just isn't when I thought it would happen.

And that's really the heart of the issue. Because I'm a control freak, it drives me crazy to be reminded that I am not, in fact, in control. God is. He always has been. He always will be.

It's not always easy to conform your own will to the will of God. This is a truth that I'm learning all over again.

I put all this out there for the sake of honesty. When it comes to babies and parenting and life in general, I'm afraid that we glaze over the difficult parts and put on a plastic smile far too often. But when we do that, we rob ourselves, and each other, of the authenticity that we desperately need.

So here's to being authentic. And the arrival of the second trimester, which, so far, has brought more energy. Hopefully, that means I'll be around more often.

Until next time, grace and peace.

Fiddle Dee Dee: Come Read with Me

As I've mentioned before, I used to be an avid reader. Then life happened, and I got busy, and I pretty much stopped reading. Here lately, I've been reviving my reading habits, reading at least a chapter a day of a nonfiction book after I finish my Bible reading, but I genuinely miss fiction.

That's why I jumped right on board when my friend Mandy proposed the idea of an online book club. Because life is chaotic as usual, this is the first chance I've had to tell you about it. We're reading Margaret Mitchell's Gone with the Wind in six weeks, and if you're interested, please join us!

Here's the catch: reading started last Thursday, and our first round of discussion will start this Thursday (like two days from now), but please don't let that discourage you from participating. I just picked up my copy of the book from the library yesterday, and there is absolutely no pressure. We just want to enjoy and share GWTW with one another.

So if you want to read, stop by Mandy's blog for more information. I hope to see you there!

Until next time, grace and peace.

What a Difference a Year Makes

This one turned two on September 17. It seems like this second year has passed more quickly than the first, and every time I flip through pictures from Christmas or even Easter, I marvel at how much my little girl has grown up. Last year I had a baby. This year I have a toddler.

At two years old, Micah is quite a character. Every day I marvel at how quickly she's learning things. New words abound these days, and she simply amazes me. I think she's pretty smart. She can count to three (and sometimes four or five), she knows most of her colors (although her favorite is pink), and she's pretty good at shapes. Each day when I pick her up from preschool and talk to her about her day, I'm blown away by the fact that we can have actual conversations.

She's a sweet girl, but she's also got a mind of her own. She's not above throwing a temper tantrum, but I think she's learning that her Mama's more stubborn than she is. She's stingy with her kisses and only gives them out at bedtime, when she makes sure everyone gets their nighttime sugar.

She loves to read and sometimes sleeps with her books. Just like her Mama.

Her newest phrase is "Okie Dokie," which she must have picked up at preschool. She says it all the time. Melts my heart.

Her birthday was on a Saturday, and now she thinks all birthdays are on Saturday. All cake is "Happy Cake" which is what she calls birthday cake, and ever since her birthday, she's been kind of obsessed with singing Happy Birthday, but she always leaves out the word birthday. Micah's version of the song goes something like this:

....Happy....to you.... ....Happy....to you.... ....Happy....to you....

Until she gets tired of singing it.

And did I mention that she loves Elmo? That's probably putting it mildly. I think she'd marry him tomorrow if she could.

She's pretty fond of Mickey Mouse, too.

I love this little girl more every day. I'm so thankful that God trusted me enough to be her mommy, and I pray that she grows into a woman who pursues Him with abandon. I can't wait to see what He has in store for her.

Until next time, grace and peace.