My Heart Is Broken a Little Bit, Mommy

Chloe, Myli Cate, and Micah the day before we moved

It took Micah some time to realize that we weren't just visiting Gran and Pop. That this is permanent. That we left our old house behind, and we're never ever moving back into it.

But when she finally understood what moving is all about, she got very, very sad.

She talks about her old friends all the time. How she misses playing with them and seeing them. Then she hangs her head and says, "I'll never see them again."

The other day, on the way into town, we were talking about how she would be starting preschool at a brand new school in just a couple of months. That's when her little face crumpled and she said, "My heart is broken a little bit, Mommy. I want to go back to our old house."

And that broke my heart a little bit.

I'm so sad for her. One of the things that tears me up the most about this move is that she won't get to grow up with Myli Cate and Chloe. Myli Cate and Chloe will be lifelong friends. They'll go to school together and play in the park together and go to prom together, and Micah won't be a part of it. My heart aches for the loss of that life.

I hope that the three of them will be lifelong friends - that they will keep in touch and that we'll plan girl trips together and make an effort to maintain their friendship, but I know that they won't be nearly as close as they could have been if we had stayed.

And that's tough.

We went back to visit a couple of weeks ago, and Micah was on cloud nine. We stayed at Myli Cate's house, and the girls played nonstop from the moment we arrived until the moment we left. As I was watching them play one afternoon, it suddenly dawned on me that my sweet little girl hadn't played with a friend since we moved.

That made me want to cry.

One of the hardest things about parenting is finding the right words to say when your little one is hurting. I can't fix this one with a kiss and a princess BandAid. God will have to stitch up that little broken heart, and I know He will, but it will take time.

While the tears welled up in the backseat, I said the only thing I could think of at the moment.

"It's OK to be sad, sweetie, but we can't stay sad forever. So take a few minutes to miss your friends, then let's sing a silly song to cheer up."

And so, we did.

Until next time, grace and peace.

What a Beautiful Mess I'm In

Last week, we had a kind of disastrous trip to Wal-Mart. I knew before we went that it wouldn't be good, but I was already in town, and I needed to go, so I dragged the girls into the store. We had been there for less than five minutes when we had to make an emergency trip to the first aid section for some BandAids.

And yes, I was that person. You know - the one who opens up an item and uses it in the middle of the store before they pay for it. Yep, that was me.

But it was SO worth it. The tears stopped flowing as soon as Micah got a Princess Tiana BandAid strapped to her bobo. Life was good. For all of about five minutes. That's when Kendall had a meltdown. Her sippy cup was empty and she wanted more milk RIGHT THEN.

And so, I was that person again. I hightailed it over to the dairy section, grabbed a quart of whole milk and proceeded to fill up her cup in the middle of the store. Crisis averted.

We made it through the rest of the trip without any major mishaps. Both of my girls were happy for the time being, and as I drove out of the parking lot and caught a glimpse of their smiling faces in my backseat, I couldn't help but think that this messy, crazy, chaotic, and hectic life that I'm living is a beautiful one indeed.

Sometimes it's hard to look past the mess and see the beauty, but it's there nonetheless. Today, I'm praying that God will help me find beauty in the midst of the mess.

What are you praying for today?

Until next time, grace and peace.

My Girls and Me

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a good picture of a 3-year-old who can't be still and an 11-month-old who's easily distracted?

Exceedingly difficult.

That's why I settled for this as the best photo of me and my girls on Mother's Day. It's not perfect. For one, Dennis is lurking in the background. In addition to Dennis' inadvertent cameo, both Micah and Kendall seem determined to look at anything but the camera. And finally, it's glaringly obvious that I need to get my hair colored.

Despite all of that, I love this picture.

I'm usually behind the lens, so even if the photo isn't perfect, I'll take it, because I'm in it, and one day, my girls will appreciate it. It's also a perfect portrait of this stage of our lives. Both of my girls are just being themselves, and as much as I would love a snapshot of us all smiling at the camera, I really do want to remember what they were like at this point in time.

I used to think that a picture wasn't worth keeping if it wasn't perfect, but sometimes, perfect isn't possible. Real life is crazy and messy, and it's not always picture perfect. Our life is crazy and messy, and it's far from perfect, but it is beautiful.

Here's to keeping it real, y'all. That's what this blog is all about. If you're looking for perfection, you should go somewhere else. Now go post your less than perfect photos and link back to them here. I want to see your messy life, in all of its glory :)

Until next time, grace and peace.